So, after living in Sydney for 10+ years, I’ve gotten used to cockroaches as a part of life.  Normally at least once a year, a big brown creature larger than a lady bug but slightly smaller than a rat comes crawling through the house and I do the normal female thing of screaming hysterically and calling The Runner…. Before we lived together, I used to shut the door and run into another room until I couldn’t see it and then call The Runner and think of an excuse for him to come over and then hope (but not really) that said creature reappeared.  

Well, the Dark Cockroach Lord has finally won.  For the last two weeks, we’ve had an invasion of German Cockroaches.  Seriously. I feel like Archduke Ferdinand has just been assassinated and World War I is kicking off.  Our house is Western Europe and the Germans are on the march.  Trust me, all is not quiet on the Western Front. Everywhere we looked, there was a little black soldier, running away yet occupying our turf.

So we decided to fight back.  We called in an Exterminator– I did mistakenly tell someone at work the Terminator was coming to our house.  She was confused.  Anyway, the Exterminator came today which is good….except one thing.  I had to clear out as much as the kitchen as possible.  It sounds easy, straight forward, but have you forgotten who you’re talking to.

“Take as much out of the cabinets as possible” was the command.  And dutifully I was all set to obey.  OH.MY.GOD.

If he had asked me to name all the elements on the periodic table by smell, I would have had an easier time (no, not really) but this was my version of hell.  First of all, I have a kitchen obsession, so emptying out a few cabinets would be like Carrie from Sex and The City moving “a few shoes out of the way.”  Seriously.  Moving stuff out of the kitchen last night made me question where I had gone wrong in life.  Spending three hours lifting plates, bowls, and tupperware and moving them from the kitchen to the living room is soul destroying.  I felt like one of the Danaids condemned to pointlessly carry water in a bucket with a hole for eternity.  And then I was stupid enough to make dinner…..  It was funny in a really not funny way at the point where I had half the kitchen in the living room and decided THAT was the time to make dinner.  (Dinner was yum by the way- out of one of the books from Melbourne but a nightmare nonetheless)

The last two nights have been like moving house but not actually packing or winding up somewhere new, fresh, clean and exciting.  It’s seriously been like filling sieves (or one of my 3 colanders) with water and expecting to fill a bathtub.  And I learned a few embarrassing things about the contents of my kitchen:

1) I have had 3 sets of digital kitchen scales.  One was broken, one is was The Runner’s, and the third, a Tupperware set I bought last year.  Two of the three are now in the giveaway pile….no points for guessing which one I’m keeping.

2)  I have 2 blenders…. ok, I know it sounds weird but again, one is The Runner’s and the other is part of a food processor, so it makes sense but a bit eye opening to see two blenders sitting side by side… yikes.  Although when you want a Daiquiri and I want a Pina Colada you’ll appreciate my two blenders! 

3) I have 3 flour sifters.  There’s no excuse and I’m keeping all three.  So there.  But it is a bit embarrassing- it’s not like I bake a cake every day to necessitate 3 sifters.

4)  I have a melon baller.   I hate melon.  All types, except for watermelon, sometimes.  I don’t buy fruit salad when I’m out because there’s melon in it.  Yuck.  What am I doing with a melon baller???  Mrs. K at work suggested that  I could use it to scoop the choke out of an artichoke or to scoop rice for a baby.  I’m 110% sure neither of those reasons is why I have one.

5)  I have a bamboo steamer.  I think at one point I went through a phase where I made  bought dumplings from Chinatown at least once or twice so thought a bamboo steamer was necessary…. and it’s one of the only steamers I own….ok Shut up, I technically have 4 things that will steam if necessary!  Stop judging me!  I feel bad enough as it is!

And seriously, the only thing worse than taking the kitchen apart was putting it back together tonight.  Talk about a horrible, thankless task.  But, on the upside– and there’s ALWAYS an upside–   I took the opportunity to organise my kitchen when I put it back together.  The Runner even commented that all the containers had their lids on them and it was a pleasure to clean up after dinner.  That made me feel good.  Not as good as not having spent 3 hours doing it but good, positive, worthwhile.   Of course when I asked him whether he’d be able to navigate the amazingly, fabulously, wonderfully, smartly newly organised kitchen, his response of “it looks the same to me” brought me crashing down to earth…….ugh!  Good bye Upside!

Oh well, they’ve hopefully killed the army of cockroaches and hopefully unlike the real German Army they won’t be back for a second round!  We found the source and luckily it wasn’t anywhere near food– it was behind the washer/dryer.  So I guess that is the upside after all….Double ugh!

Check out the photos on the side of the blog!