Say yes to the dress

Memorial Day/ I dream of dresses

~ stephzuniga ~ 2 Comments

So the last week of my trip has been pretty much all wedding colours (nearly picked), venue (sorted!), and dresses. Ball gown vs a line vs mermaid vs trumpet. I’m quite lucky to be a sample size so it’s pretty easy to shop but I haven’t decided on anything– yet. All week I’ve been waiting for my say yes to the dress/ I found the gown moment of triumph with hugs and and tears and then WHAM

Today I’ve run head first into what I’m really doing here, today is my dad’s memorial service and it’s hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve run smack into a wall of grief and sadness and it feels like I’ve been blind sided.

See, planning a wedding is a great distraction from reality. While my mom and I were debating what black tie really means and whether reply cards are necessary for invitations, I wasn’t thinking about my father’s upcoming funeral. Yes, of course we’ve been talking about how to honor him and who will walk me down the aisle, weddingy matter of fact elements of what to do on your wedding day when only one of your parents is living. I haven’t been thinking about his death as an event that I’ll have to relive in only a few hours. And I should have been. Even though it’s been 6 months, the emotions are still fresh and raw and they’ve been buried beneath two months of wedding distraction.

And so here I am.

All week I’ve been so wedding focused, I’ve been dreaming of my wedding and my dad has been in every single dream, and it’s been great, I’ve literally had a dream wedding every night with perfect dresses and father daughter dances and fireworks and ferris wheels (don’t ask) and in a few hours I’ll have to sit through a day long reminder of the fact that my father is dead and my perfect, dream wedding will always be just a dream.

I know it’s meant to celebrate his life and that death is a part of life and every other platitude you can throw at me. But it doesn’t feel great and I’m scared and sad and I miss him. A lot.

I know today’s event will only go for a few hours and in another 24 hours, tomorrow no matter what will be a new day, and that today will be in the past– but then again, it’s the same with a wedding day, isn’t it?

Today I’ll celebrate the end of my father’s life and tomorrow will go back to being distracted by planning a new one with The Runner, so thankful to my Dad for helping me become the person who I am today and the person who The Runner loves. Still missing him and wishing he were going to be there to walk me down the aisle, give a cheesy toast, and then dance with me to Elton John but knowing that that will only happen while I sleep.

Confession/Obsession

~ stephzuniga ~ Leave a comment

So, it’s time to come out of the closet and get something out into the open.  

First, I have to apologise because as a friend commented recently on Facebook, this blog is slowly becoming, He Runs, I Plan Weddings… sorry, it’s true.  It’s especially true now that the cookbooks and pots and pans are packed up for our big move (it’s a whole 5 minute drive away) and The Runner and I have fully committed to eating takeaway meals for the next 6 days.  

The Runner is still holding up his part of the bargain, 3 weeks before Port Macquarie Ironman and he’s running,biking, and swimming his heart out.  He left at 5am to go do some obscene number of kilometers on a bike and then go on a long run- and by long run, I think he means the better part of a marathon.

I’m the one letting the team down.  I’m not cooking, and to be honest my recipe obsession has been replaced by a new one.  I’m obsessed with Wedding Blogs.  Something has snapped in my brain, and in the last few weeks I’ve gone from reading New York Times and Huff Post and the Sydney Morning Herald online to reading wedding blogs.  Stylish Bride, Offbeat Bride, DIY bride, DC bride, Sydney Bride, Brides Who Cook, Eco friendly Brides, Crazy Brides, Brides of Colour, Brides without Borders etc etc etc.  It’s a bit ridic and sad.  I’m the girl on the bus going through her Feedly feed reading about how to DIY centerpieces and nautical themed escort cards.  Seriously???? Who have I become and what is wrong with me???  

I do have the common sense not to actually talk about my obsession in public, I only talk about weddings when asked because really, there are more interesting things to talk about: The Death of Margaret Thatcher and the diverse reactions to it, the North Korean Nuclear crisis, Tiger Woods’ come back at The Masters, Australian Federal Politics, Lindsay Lohan at Coachella, Pregnant Kim Kardashian being attacked for gaining weight, blah blah blah.    I have to confess, I glance over those stories and go straight to “Magazine Worthy Flowers” and “Real Washington DC Weddings”- pathetic, I know.  

But I’ve always had an obsessive personality.  I’m the girl who throws herself into the next big thing and loves it for long enough to get really into it and then really bored with it.  Packing in the last couple of weeks has reminded me of previous obsessions- scrapbooking, photography, cupcake baking, pasta making, tennis, the list goes on.  So far, wedding planning will be about the same.  I’ll throw myself into it, then get bored by it and then panic and realise that the wedding is half planned and still 6 months away.  Very typical.  

So, that’s my big confession, probably not earth shattering, but I needed to get it off my chest.  I don’t know if I’m ready for a 12 step program yet, but I am ready to admit it:  I am obsessed with wedding blogs.  I don’t think I’ve hurt anyone so far– The Runner might argue that he was slightly scarred and scared by an episode of Say Yes to The Dress, but he’ll get over it…he only has a few more months to go, and he’s obsessed with Triathlon magazines so I’d say we’re even!